When life suddenly awakens you to the reality you live in... the first fear, the first notion of discomfort that comes to your head are the ones who you love and love you. Although life has many tricks and stones to make us fall we support on these people to give us strength, motivation and will... to achieve all those little goals we once had as a kid, before getting our dreams slayed by society.

I have friends and I really love them... their absence is something I cannot cope with as well as I should... and life keeps teaching me about its conditions and how stability is something that can really be shaken or broken in a glimpse of the eye...  everyday more I feel different, I feel weird... I feel falling into this hole that resembles an abyss, a never-ending fall into the depths of my soul and the darkness of my spirit, for when I cease to believe in the good things in life, then life's conditions have changed me and I crave for that change so the whole heart could be painted black as well as my soul....

Fuck Cock Suck Balls

All is nothing and the nothing gains space, my heart is slowly but surely eaten away by society and all it's expectations while I strive to find the right wave where my smile will be continuous and flowing with the ease of water as it gulps up all my sins and sorrows...
I think of what I've left in the U.S.... it was so dear to me that bliss feeling of having a corner where no judgements happened where true friendship even when threatened by jealousy was something that kept our smiles coming everyday and the will to overcome anything that stumbled in our way...
I'm afraid.... i'm afraid of not being happy for the rest of my life... how can I be afraid? The utmost vision of happiness is within ourselves and in knowing this I should find my comfort, my will, my strength, my power... instead I see your face... I watch it in every direction and no matter what I do, I cannot erase the feeling that I've forgotten my heart along the way... How could I get in touch with so many good souls that I wish I have everyday and looking back they are gone... thousand miles apart and still present in my thoughts on a constant day basis...


Shit!!! Fuck this life and the things we cannot carry with us although we really want them...

What is love anyway? When I can't find it here.... could I find it anywhere? ~Maybe that's the learning I have to go through in this life... LIFE WITHOUT LOVE!

I feel as if time has stood still...
As if the ephemerality of life has been placed on hold...
With my heart unrest but calm of will...
And the heat vanishes into deep blue cold.

The words bring images,
The warmth of thinking of you calms me...
Our possibilities are endless,
And you're still the one I see.

You've told me you'd snatch my soul away...
Unaware of the truth it would be I didn't resist.
And after falling in love you took it faraway...
And now I question myself why I exist....

How can love be considered in weak times so fragile?
How can distance along with the longing feeling question it's power or intensity? Is our will to be loved everyday what commands our intentions and attitudes? Could a moment of doubt overcome all that could be and would be in a glimpse of possible futures...?
I've been carrying you in my chest without wanting to, without desiring it, but you remain... the moments of sheer happiness still bring a smile to my face even though you are not present anymore, the picture of your smile is imprinted in the inside of my eye lids and I walk around all day with my eyes closed just to keep smiling.

B.B.

Time and it's weight...
Makes us scared and afraid.
Of not feeling what once was felt...
Living that second when your heart met
A soul that has parts like yours,
A connection that can't be denied...
And you don't need to choose sides...

Anseio esse banho que me rejuvenesce,

A alma sente-se suja de porcaria...

A prancha até sozinha se mexe,

E vejo ondas até na parte de trás dos barcos na ria.

As palavras já são todas pesadas,

As acções trazem todas merda atrás...

E as desculpas inventadas,

Deixam-me com um pé atrás.

Onde anda a felicidade?

E as conversas sinceras interessantes?

Terá ido com esta tenra idade,

Para outras paragens mais verdejantes?

Estou a ficar cansado das expectativas e das conversas dos outros que se julgam superiores a quem não correspondi com as expectativas deles para a minha vida... mas acho que o maior inimigo aqui ainda sou eu... há muito ainda a aprender.... 

Nunca mais se sente o mesmo...

Na efemeridade da vida passamos por muitos vales, montanhas e rios... o que de certa forma marca o caminho que tomamos e as decisões com as consequentes repercussões. Não todas boas escolhas nem são todas premeditadas, mas são as que tomamos e com as quais teremos de lidar mais cedo ou mais tarde... porque no final todo o que fazemos fica essencialmente para cada um de nós.
Estas escolhas vão-nos dar um traquejo enorme para conseguirmos aceitar as coisas que não podemos mudar... mas mesmo assim vão haver muitas escolhas difíceis de tomar, muitos percursos cheios de obstáculos e dificuldades, há de haver a altura em que nos sentamos com a nossa alma e decidimos se vale a pena ou não as escolhas que andamos a tomar e escolhemos melhores percursos.

O coração vai ficando frio consoante se envelhece... a alma dura vai criando uma carapaça impenetrável onde algumas pessoas têm livre acesso enquanto que maior parte do mundo exterior fica aí mesmo... no exterior!

As questões amontoam-se em fila indiana na minha mente e as respostas apenas levam a mais perguntas e quanto mais sei, menos quero saber e descobrir, menos prefiro conhecer e resignar-me a uma pseudo-ignorância que me acalma o espírito.

Já não vinha escrever há tanto tempo que a lírica se perdeu, as palavras escorrem até às pontas dos meus dedos como se nem fossem chamadas e depressa se deitam nesta folha de papel electrónica que está sempre pronta para receber todas as minhas confissões com ou sem lógica.


Acordei sem saber bem o que quero,
E sem vontade saí da cama...
Sem objectivo quase desespero,
E ignoro quem todos os dias me chama.
Não por mal ou vingança,
Sou um espectro do que já me senti...
Talvez ambicione uma mudança,
Uma réstia do que já vivi?

E em cada dia que passa luto para me manter,
A sorrir sem me perder,
A viver sem realmente viver...
Será nas minhas provações que me sinto inteiro?
Quando luto contra tudo e todos para me manter verdadeiro?
Certo é que nem parece que vivo ultimamente,
E me sinto assim demasiado dormente...
Será altura de mudar de hábitos ou de indivíduos?
Ou serei eu que não presto já com estes resíduos?