Fuck Cock Suck Balls

All is nothing and the nothing gains space, my heart is slowly but surely eaten away by society and all it's expectations while I strive to find the right wave where my smile will be continuous and flowing with the ease of water as it gulps up all my sins and sorrows...
I think of what I've left in the U.S.... it was so dear to me that bliss feeling of having a corner where no judgements happened where true friendship even when threatened by jealousy was something that kept our smiles coming everyday and the will to overcome anything that stumbled in our way...
I'm afraid.... i'm afraid of not being happy for the rest of my life... how can I be afraid? The utmost vision of happiness is within ourselves and in knowing this I should find my comfort, my will, my strength, my power... instead I see your face... I watch it in every direction and no matter what I do, I cannot erase the feeling that I've forgotten my heart along the way... How could I get in touch with so many good souls that I wish I have everyday and looking back they are gone... thousand miles apart and still present in my thoughts on a constant day basis...


Shit!!! Fuck this life and the things we cannot carry with us although we really want them...

What is love anyway? When I can't find it here.... could I find it anywhere? ~Maybe that's the learning I have to go through in this life... LIFE WITHOUT LOVE!

I feel as if time has stood still...
As if the ephemerality of life has been placed on hold...
With my heart unrest but calm of will...
And the heat vanishes into deep blue cold.

The words bring images,
The warmth of thinking of you calms me...
Our possibilities are endless,
And you're still the one I see.

You've told me you'd snatch my soul away...
Unaware of the truth it would be I didn't resist.
And after falling in love you took it faraway...
And now I question myself why I exist....

How can love be considered in weak times so fragile?
How can distance along with the longing feeling question it's power or intensity? Is our will to be loved everyday what commands our intentions and attitudes? Could a moment of doubt overcome all that could be and would be in a glimpse of possible futures...?
I've been carrying you in my chest without wanting to, without desiring it, but you remain... the moments of sheer happiness still bring a smile to my face even though you are not present anymore, the picture of your smile is imprinted in the inside of my eye lids and I walk around all day with my eyes closed just to keep smiling.